Sand Beneath Your Feet

I liberally rush out of our car towards the coastline. As I transition from the swarthy pavement to the sterling sand, I throw off my sandals - still running towards the coastline. Rushing towards the mighty setting sun. Racing the merciful wind. Resisting the pulling sand. Sand that is warning me from the dangers of the deep Mediterranean sea. Sand that is engulfing my feet with all its strength.

Oh but the waves are so crystalline and inviting, I say. Beware the menacing waves , the sand says. Alas, in defiance, I am still running, still resisting. The rocks and shells at the coastline force me to halt. I then inhale the briny sea air, before I saunter into the sea.

I planned this day ahead to its fine details, long before I arrived Liguria. I rehearsed the plan several times before the day had came. A breeze of uneasiness puffed over my body. The waters around me start whispering in conspiracy. They make their move. What started as ripples, turned into one herculean wave. The wave crept over me like a hungry beast. I look back and frantically wave to people ashore. I move my limbs in an effort to compete against my racing heart. My pulse was beating in my ears, blocking the sound of the deafening wave. I look back again and wonder why no one is rescuing me. I start to become weary. Coldness sets in, as if water is penetrating my skin. I start to feel anger - this may be the end of me. Oh how I longed for the feeling of sand beneath my feet. If I had only waited one more day I say to myself as I remember looking at the weather forecast. If I hadn’t swam that far. If I had only … The waves push my spirited body to the coastline, where people have embraced me. I open my eyes. I had planned this day … yet so much of it unplanned. Drowning is much like raw grief. Much like grief, it is unexpected.

Much like grief, it is inescapable. Much like grief, it burns your chest. Much like grief, it exhausts your heart. Much like grief, it is ungovernable. It all starts as a ripple, followed by a big wave, and ends in a longshore current drifting your body to the coastline. You then live, constantly reminded of the time you nearly drowned…